The other day I heard a mother saying to her daughter, the 2 best things that a parent can give her child is give them Roots and Wings. I gave them to you so go do your thing, I got your back. I loved it. It was so simply succinct and truly encapsulated my unarticulated parenting philosophy and aspirations – giving my children roots and wings! I have always preached about the importance of giving our children S.E.E. – socio-economic exposure…. and every time I said S.E.E. I felt it always sounded so “academic”. But when this mother said it – it was so plain yet so complete! I remember telling my daughter that there are five ways of gaining knowledge. We learn through: a) formal education; b) cross-cultural immersion; c) multi-religious tolerance; d) multi-language immersion; e) travel and food exposure; not necessarily in any order of priority.
Once, I took her and her baby brother to an Afghan restaurant on 9th Avenue in New York City when she was about 9years old. She started protesting that she wanted hamburger and chips! I told her this was not a McDonald occasion, so she needed to try something else or stay hungry. She was hungry so she had no choice but to eat the couscous. Now she loves it. The other day she remembered and requested that we visit the restaurant again. I am not even sure if it’s still open. Then I sent her to a South African International School for two and half years straight from 8 years in American parochial school. The first year was tough. Really tough. She cried and called every weekend! But now she is a global citizen with cross-cultural competencies of discerning subtle cultural nuances that positively differentiate us, yet at the same time make us one. She is grounded and has gained some self-discipline for African boarding school is like military school, if not worse. Above all else she has social capital -made friends from all over Africa and Europe as a result.
Recently transferred back to the US for junior high, she was placed in a Music workshop class that teach studio production and engineering. While some kids in her class were complaining about how they hated the class, she loved it. On the other hand she was complaining about how she hated her music theory class because she felt so unprepared! I worked hard to get her into that class. So I shared with her my own story about hating courses in high school but taking them anyway. I told her that when I was in boarding school, I remember hating a class called “Domestic Science” where they taught us cookery and sewing. We universally hated it because we believed that it was meant to prepare us to be maids (in case you failed the rigorous British Cambridge ‘O’level exams). It was the colonial era of my high school days! Roll up 10 years later I am in Grad school in America, the economy of my homeland is spiraling down so was the currency rates. I have no money, no fellowship, never could do those waitressing jobs, let alone I did not have the stomach for working as a nurse’s aide and dropping out of school was not an option. I needed a way to pay tuition so I decided to a fashion designing company. I designed my own custom made contemporary African couture. It was a thriving business and I made enough money to pay my tuition and rent!!!! Still hated sewing, but I got great at designing averaging $250/outfit. In addition, because of domestic science I turned out to be a great cook! Thanks to my teacher, Mrs. Malaba!!! Who knew?
At the time of telling her this story I did not even realize I was building on her roots and wings. I was just trying to help her in appreciating that the dots have a way of connecting somehow! I did not even know this either till I stumbled on a YouTube video of Steven Jobs giving a 2005 commencement speech at Stanford University (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=D1R-jKKp3NA). He was sharing his story about how he dropped out of college because he could not bear the thought of his adoptive working parents spending their hard earned savings for college tuition he could not see the value of. Once dropped out he continued sneaking into classes and stumbled on a calligraphy course and he loved it! Roll forward 10 years later he started Apple in his garage and designed the Mac to have the most beautiful typography than the PCs. In a nutshell he said that he could not connect the dots while taking these risky decisions, but in retrospect he is able to connect the dots. Had he not dropped out of college he probably would not have started Apple, given it the best typography. When he got publicly fired from the company he started he would not have started PIXAR, the best animation company of the 21st century.
Sometimes when one door closes, there is a reason why you are being detoured to your true destiny. As human beings, it’s in our nature to get in our way. But then again is it? Does all this structured “socialization” do more harm than good? I really don’t know. I am just trying not to get in my own way or my kids’ way. Its every parent’s responsibility to give their children roots and wing, but it’s the child’s responsibility to trust and tap into their roots and wings! They need to understand, with globalization geography is irrelevant. Spread your wings far and wide child!
Copyright @ October 18, 2011 by Dr. Tendai Ndoro (DocNdoro) – Founder, SLIPPA (Strategy Leadership Institute in Private & Public Affairs); Brighten The Corner Foundation; CEO EDCTrainers, LLC.
