I am truly fed up with grown adults with the audacity to display no manners or sense of courtesy to other people in public. I have a growing belief that the human race as a species is really regressing behaviorally rather than progressing. We are gradually losing our social skills, if we have not lost it already. I also notice that people have a total lack of passion and compassion. They are so robotic and thought-less in their actions and behaviors, like they have been neutered of humanity! It’s not just the lack of manners, ethics and etiquette, but a pervasive lack of sensibility, of just simple common decency. I work with the public a lot and I have seen a person pick up their cell phone in the middle of a training or presentation and proceed to entertain the cell while everyone is trying to listen to the presenter. I used to be diplomatic, but now I have had to tell some adults to leave the room with their cell phone because they are disrupting the class and the presenter!
As a parent of an autistic child, I have become so keenly aware of human behavior in public, simply because people are so intolerant of children who are different from the typical. The other day I went to Costco and my son threw a huge tantrum in the store. He was running around the store and disappearing to look at the merchandise like the electrical fireplace and the fan heaters on the floor which are his object triggers. Because he was not listening to stay close to me, as punishment I told him he had lost his privilege of having the take out ice cream yoghurt. A treat I usually buy for him after check out. All hell broke loose. He wanted my reassurance that he was going to get the ice cream and I kept telling him no…no…No! He would not hear it. With each no, he would scream and run up and down the aisle then come back asked me again and I would say no. While this whole scene was unfolding, I started noticing this man and his three children following us from aisle and just starring at us. My teenage daughter just stood there holding the cart feeling helpless. As for me frankly, I don’t get embarrassed at all, it is what it is, this is my normal world. By the third aisle there was quite a little crowd of adults including the man and his three children again just standing there and starring at my son doing his thing! As it dawned on me that people were starring like this was entertainment for them. As I was just about to go market on them and yell at them to keep it moving and mind their own business, I caught my daughter’s eye – begging me not to! I could not believe it; these people were looking as if they have never seen a child throw a tantrum before. Who stands around as a spectator starring at a child throwing a tantrum as if its entertainment? Their passive action was abnormal to me to say the least.
Then I came home and caught the last bit on Anderson Cooper 360 town hall meeting on Bully. As I heard most of the experts saying the schools had to be equipped to handle these kinds of bullies by training the teachers, holding the kids accountable, etc, etc. I was like are you kidding me. Thanks to Doctor Phil for saying that this starts with the parents and therefore we need to hold parents accountable!!! I AGREE 100%. It starts with the parents and the value system they set for their children. Bully parents breed bully children. I truly believe that if you have a child bully, one of the parents (if not both of them) is certainly a bully either at work or to their spouse or in their extended family circles. I remember when my daughter was being bullied in elementary school. The bullying occurred on the afterschool bus to the YMCA. The bullying was being perpetrated by a click of 5th grade girls on my daughter. One of the bully girls’ younger sister was in 2nd grade with my daughter and they were having a run-in during class periods over a friend who was initially my daughter’s friend, but now this other little girl wanted my daughter’s friend to be her friend, but was not interested in sharing the friend with my daughter. When my daughter told me they were bullying her and calling her insulting words on the bus, it was on. I went to the class list and sought out the little girl’s home number and called the parents. When the mother picked up I politely introduced myself and told her why I was calling. Her first comment was “You shouldn’t be calling here; you should address it through the school! Besides, my daughters would never do that they are sweet and innocent.” I couldn’t believe that this parent was hiding behind “the school” and absolving herself of the responsibility of her daughters’ behavior. Instantly I knew therein lay the problem. I became icy cold and told her firmly “Your daughters are by no means sweet or innocent, they are bullies. You need to tell your mean daughters to leave my daughter alone. If they as much as stare at my daughter again or whisper any profanities to her again, I will be on that after school bus before the week is over and you do not want me to tell them myself. Do I make myself clear?” She was speechless. I continued, “Your daughters are messing with the wrong little girl and you do not want to hear from me again!” Then I hung up. That was the end of the bulling. My daughter never had trouble from them again.
These are just two of many incidents I have witnessed where adults just do not have common decency or social skills, they simply take no accountability or responsibility of their actions and they hide behind “the system”. The sneaky smile on Ruth Madoff’s face during her interview on CBS’s 60 minutes confirmed it all for me! It irritated the hell out of me and I felt like crawling into my TV screen and wiping it off her mouth with a cactus. People just abdicate their conscience or civility but stands by ignoring, blaming, or pushing it onto someone else! There is a decadent behavior of watching other people’s pain and misery without feeling compassion or empathy. Then we wonder why our children are growing up without proper social skills. Well it’s because most of the adults themselves have neutered social skills. CIVILITY IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS!
Copyright @ November 1, 2011 by Dr. Tendai Ndoro (DocNdoro) – Founder, SLIPPA (Strategy Leadership Institute in Private & Public Affairs); Brighten The Corner Foundation; CEO EDCTrainers, LLC.
