The Beauty of Aging.

Copyright @ 10/12010, Dr. Tendai Ndoro (DocNdoro) – Founder, SLIPPA/Brighten The Corner Foundation; CEO EDCTrainers, LLC

I was watching Oprah the other day and she was talking about the social pressure of staying young, and the beauty of aging. It got me thinking about an article I wrote before about my fears and vanity about aging. The articles were appropriately titled “Getting Old is a Rude Awakening” and I was defiant about the celebrated joys of getting old. I still am, but for a different reason. I just don’t like the liability that it brings. Like the time it takes to maintain ones looks more than ever. Don’t mention the struggle of my life – weight control. I used to think I was overweight; well I had not hit my forties! The struggle gets more vicious! I also realize I was not at all ‘fat” then, I was big boned. But when you come from a country where the average female height is 5’3” you are an Amazon when you are 5’9” have an hour-glass voluptuous curves and wear a size 11 shoe as a woman you are considered big!

Anyway Oprah’s show was on “Aging Beauty” and she had Actress and model Cybill Shepherd, Dynasty's Linda Evans and Desperate Housewives' Teri Hatcher talking about aging, beauty and the pressures they have felt to maintain their looks. As I watched I was thinking well they really don’t look that great, not as great as they looked in their prime time. Then Teri and Oprah mentioned how “WE”…that is - WOMEN are seduced into this trap of beauty, or having a certain look that defined what beauty is. I started thinking – who is seducing us into this trap? I concluded – US - the women. Cosmetic companies are just responding to market demands.

In my own experiences its always been other women who throw all these judgments about the standard of beauty and perpetuating this trap! For example, when I started wearing my hair in Locks, it was mostly women who had what I considered to be derogatory comments about my hair. “When are you going to get rid of that hair style” or “ I would never put locks in my hair, because I do not want to lose my femininity”  or if I dared suggest to someone complaining about their “nappy” hair that they could lock it, and I would get an exclamation reply “Hell no!” As if having locked hair would bring with it a curse or some kind of stigma. So now I just watch their skin break out from chemicalized weaves; going bald from hair relaxers and dyes or going around with a bad hair day that turned into permanent days, not to mention the  tired wigs that look like a hat on their heads !!! I must say some sisters look great in a wig, but I am not one of them. It either looks like I am wearing a hat or a mop! I just don’t have the facial bone structure for it. However, since my locks I don’t have problems with my hair - it’s all mine, natural long locks….other than the time it takes to dry or lock, I have no complains. No fears of having a weave coming undone or falling out, no expensive hair products to budget for; no hot head wraps in the day or at night. It’s a get up and go show!

The Real housewives series have since revealed that our Caucasian sisters also wear weaved extensions and wigs! Who knew!  We always thought it was all theirs. For years some black sisters have been trying to have their hair down to their backs, yet secretly walking around with the complex that they were trying to emulate concepts of white beauty. Well now we know some of it was all fake! Not to mention that poor Chris Rock got into some hot water for his black women expose in his documentary comedy “Good Hair”, 

I also discovered a long time ago that the back to basics classic skin products like Nivea moisturizing cream; Ponds cleanser; Ponds dry skin moisturizer and good old Vaseline are still as loyal to the skin as the day they came to market. Even a good amount of warm water drinking works from within. So I stopped buying all those “hope in jar” liars! I haven’t regretted my decision. But I must admit part of it is good genes - the women in my Mother’s family are ageless and live for long periods of time without changes to their appearance. I love that, that’s why I could go for ten years lying about  the same age and getting away with it. The funny thing was when I was in my teens I looked older than I was, but now I look younger than I really am! With energy to go with it I am still not telling my age.

Well do I think that aging has beauty? YES, but this is not defined by the way I look, but by the fact that I am more confident in my own skin. I have grown in self awareness, my spirituality and intuitiveness. I speak my mind, love myself more once I discovered that I am stronger than I thought;  that I am number one and this life is my stage so whatever I do I have to make sure I can live with myself. I express my attitude and don’t give a damn what someone else thinks (and in most cases some think I am insightful and evolved , on the other hand the cowards think I am arrogant or abrasive, but I have to be economical with my time, its running out). However, I am working on making peace with the imminence of death and dying. That’s something I have yet to wrap my mind around because finally I am at a place where all my choices are now mine; where my preparation is beginning to meet the opportunities in the universe and as such I realize I still have a lot to do.