This article writing was originally published on my Facebook as “Mother & Mummy’s Boy” June 12, 2010.
I had an epiphany today - Am I creating a Mama's Boy? I hated dating Mama's boys. But am I involuntarily creating one myself...The feminist that I am? I asked my son today, "Do you want chicken with Sadza (our Zimbabwean staple food), brown rice, or Couscous for lunch?" all of which are leftovers in my fridge....but he said "Chicken & pasta"...so I find myself getting up and cooking a pot of Pasta! As I was cooking the pasta I asked myself..."Why am I doing this?" While simultaneously thinking and feeling sorry for his future wife...my future daughter-in-law who will have to share her governance over him with me! Then I asked myself "why not?"
Earlier, I was cleaning my second apartment and I had asked him to take a garbage bag to the garbage bin in the garage...three floor flights down to the basement level, and my 6 year old boy complied! No rolling eyes, no facial expressions of protest and no smart tongue lashing back at me. Then he got back and I asked him to take some cereal boxes to the kitchen on the 1st floor...Done! Then he got back and I asked him to take some dirty linens to the laundry room, again in the ground floor basement - another 3 floors down - Done! No protest or any indication of it! Then got back and being the rambunctious 6 year old that he is, was running around in my second floor and accidentally broke my beautiful African vase in the hall way and I banished him to the 1st floor, when I got back he had been crying with remorse -tears, mucus, puppy eyes and all, and was profusely apologetic and would not stop till I accepted his apology...I was still mad at him and that took almost 45 minutes of persuading me to accept his apology. Well he was finally forgiven.
On the other hand, earlier I had asked my daughter to help with the 2nd floor cleaning. Despite the fact that we were doing it together, all I got was 14 year-old teenage attitude..eye rolling, TV interlude watching in between pillowcase stuffing and vacuum cleaning chores, smart mouth, etc, etc…and never mind that she is getting PAID too!...We got it done, but I felt like I had to be the Gestapo to get her to accomplish it! She is a sweet girl, but I have to put boxing gloves and combat boots once in a while...but with my son...it’s all silent , peaceful compliance, no protests and no demands to be paid!!!
So this brings me back to my epiphany...Am I creating a Mama's boy? Well if he likes to have a fresh cooking of pasta instead of settling for the leftovers...what’s the big deal? Forget my daughter in law! I can't be running 3 floors down every 2 minutes so that she can have a husband who pays more attention to her that me in the future! My paradox at the moment really ends up questioning my feminism or womanism (depending which camp you come from)...I want my son to adore and do for me more that he will do for his future wife. Sorry Simone de Beauvoir, Gloria Steinem, Bella A. (my mentor) & all of your generation! I have got to define my own feminism in the parenthesis of my motherhood!
Copyright @ June 12, 2010 (Edited and republished February 6, 2011) by Dr. Tendai Ndoro (DocNdoro) – Founder, SLIPPA/Brighten The Corner Foundation; CEO EDCTrainers, LLC.
DocNdoro,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the post. Instilling values of compassion and shared responsibility is a challenge. From the sounds of it, your son understands those values. I would imagine that your daughter too, when she was his age was more willing to jump up and assist. Teen years are challenging. He is not a mama's boy yet. When he turns 12 and he is still wrapped around your apron, then maybe you can begin to worry. LOL.
Wow Mama Shujaa, that reassuring...I want him to have compassion and be a responsible human being, but at the same time be able to stand up for himself and not be a pushover!!! We have 5 years to 12yrs so I will enjoy his help without guilt!! As for my daughter...she is a good child fundermentally...but those teenage moods - one day Sunny, next day Partly cloudy and before the day is over its lightening and thunder storm!!! I can not handle sometime, but we are still finding our comfort place, our common ground...so far in the right direction!!!
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